Birth #2, My empowering failed VBAC.

After I had my first c/section (due to fetal distress), I was told that I had about an 85% chance of having a successful VBAC.  This was back in 1996, the height of VBAC success.  All the OBs took VBACs, they were really not treated any differently back then.  I got pregnant again and was due in June of 1999.  I had chosen the same midwife to attend my birth but towards the end of the pregnancy the VBAC guidelines must have changed and I was forced to choose an OB out of their practice.

I was not happy with that b/c there were 9 or 10 OBs.  I thought it was stupid to choose one (who more than likely wouldn't be the one who was on call).  I asked the CNM if she could recommend a doula, since she would not be able to support me.  The reception desk presented me with a card of Kathy O'brien's.  I met with her and hired her.

I had no reason to believe that I would not be successful at VBAC.  I was young (22) and healthy and prepared in every way.  In fact, I was really gung ho about it and embraced my ability to labor this baby out.

Around June 10th (the day after my 'due date') I started having contractions.  They were coming every few minutes after an evening walk.  I went ahead and called Kathy to let her know...after listening to me on the phone she decided I should go ahead and go to the hospital.  They were coming pretty close together and strong.  I was a little shocked, not really feeling ready.   We got our 2 year old ready and packed a bag.  Kathy called me back and wanted to know why we hadn't left yet.

We arrived at the hospital but my cervix had not opened yet.  I agreed to go and walk for an hour and then come back to be checked.  Contractions had slowed considerably but not stopped.  I went back to be checked and had dilated to 1 cm.  I went back home.

Contractions continued to come through the night, every 8-10 minutes.  Strong, not allowing me to sleep, and definitely not allowing me to lie down.  That made me feel like I was drowning.  I propped myself up on the couch so that I could be in an upright or forward leaning position when they came.

They continued.  Never getting closer, but getting more defined, sharper, faster, and longer.  Much more difficult to sleep through.

They kept going.  Impossible to sleep.

after 3 days, I called Kathy.  I wanted to know what I could do to either stop them or make them become productive.  I went and bought castor oil and was tempted to use it....but luckily she called me and asked how open I was to nursing another mama's baby.  I was happy to have the option.  Kathy, the mama, and the 4 month old baby visited me and I nursed her sweet baby for a few minutes on each side.  It was a little weird with my huge pregnant belly.  I'm thankful to that mama.

Contractions became a little more regular but still far apart.  still between 6 and 10 minutes.  I did everything I could think of.  I took many baths that night.  Exhausted doesn't even begin to touch how tired I was.  I was so ready.

After the longest night of my life, sitting on my birth ball, leaning over the couch, I had reached a point of being beyond desperate.  I started making phone calls that morning.  I called my mom and Kathy.  I was distraught and hysterical.  I was SOOOOOO tired.  I could barely stand and contractions kept beating me down.  Kathy told me to call my doctor office to see if they could get me in for an appointment.  The receptionist told me to go to the hospital.  I didn't really want to b/c I didn't want to get sent home again.  I knew contractions weren't close enought together.

I arrived at the hospital and was told that my cervix was dilated to 6 cm.  I was shocked.  Everyone was a little shocked.  Kathy began to work with me, walk with me, squat, do hip squeezes.  My on-call doctor proved to be a total A-hole from the moment he peeked his head through the door.  He already demanded I have an I.V. and I cowed down and took it.  (Kathy and I were actually excited when we found out this particular doctor was on-call b/c he was the overseeing doc for the midwife group at the hospital and had a reputation for being NCB friendly)  He then came in and broke my water because the baby was high and he didn't want to risk a prolapsed cord (I later found out that the very reason you AVOID breaking the bag of waters when the baby is high is because you can CAUSE a prolapsed cord.)

After several hours, and no further dilation, I was told I needed an IUPC (Intrauterine pressure catheter).  I did not like it.  It didn't hurt, but it confined me to the bed.  I got up and went to the bathroom and decided I was so done with it and pulled it out.

My doc did not like that.  He ordered pitocin for me but when the nurse came in, I saw her with it, asked her what it was and told her I would NOT be having any of it.  I was not consenting.  My doc really didn't like that.  He came in and treated me like a sub-human.  He told me that he'd been vomiting because he was so worried about us (me and baby).  That my labor was too long.  That we were going to die.  He really, really wanted to go home.  My mom took him out in the hall and had 'words' with him.  I don't know exactly what she said, but she did tell him that she didn't appreciate him lying to me.  I don't think she was very nice.  He left me alone for a while after that.

My contractions finally started to come closer together...It took 12 hours but I was finally at 9cm.  I kept laboring.  After a while, my doctor came in to 'check me'.  He gave me a disappointed look and threw his glove in the trash like a child throwing a tantrum.  He informed me that my cervix was now swelling and I was closing back up and the baby was still very high.

I asked everyone but my husband to leave the room. (including Kathy).  I told him that I was too tired to go on and I didn't know what else I could do.  I called the nurse in and told her that I was ready to do a c/section but she would have to call another doctor b/c I was not going to allow that doctor to cut me.

The new doctor showed up, I asked him to check me b/c I didn't want to go back for surgery if somehow my cervix had changed for the better.  He told me my pelvis was shaped like a 'funnel' and I'd never be able to pass a baby through it.

My daughter was born at 9:50 pm weighing 9 lbs 8 oz, 21 inches (3 lbs 2 oz heavier and 3 inches longer than my first baby).

I was disappointed that I'd had a c/section but so proud of myself for making all my own choices.  I was thrilled that I'd made it to 9 cm without even considering pain meds or an epidural.  I was empowered by the support of my doula.  I felt I had "done it". and handled it all very well. 

My one hang up was...that I believed that old saying "birth is 90% mental".  I felt like for some reason I wasn't able to 'let go'.  That I had done something to keep my body from progressing.  I did everything right physical, so why didn't my baby come?  I had decided that it must have been the hospital staff....

That mode of thinking coupled with some other events in my life, caused me to make a poor decision on who I chose to attend my 3rd birth...which ended in c/section even sooner.  It kept me from digging deeper and finding the real reason I didn't progress.